A Nonsensical Weird Love Story

Author’s note: Here’s a challenge one of my friends had for me. I did it late though, because I suck at this. HAHA! I present to you this nonsensical weird love story I thought of on the fly.

So here it goes, a story of how I gained my heart back from its inevitable heartbreak. “Don’t fall for him,” they all told me. I was stupid and naive then. Don’t get me wrong, I still am. I know I still am.
How did I meet him? How did it all end, you say? Well… here it is. Here is the story of how an alien fell in love with a cabbage.
I was walking home that day, when I passed by the supermarket. I thought to myself, “I need to eat veggies now, I’m fat.” As if veggies would magically eat all the fat I’ve consumed and gathered in my body. I needed the exercise anyway (by this, I mean I needed more steps for my FitBit) so I walked towards the supermarket. Sure enough, so many veggies were there. Begging for me to grab them and munch on them. Lettuces and their luscious stalks beckoning me. Eggplants, egging me one by one. Their pick-up lines distracting me momentarily. I went ahead… looked at all the others in display. And then I saw him. He was minding his own business. Almost as if saying, “I’m not bothered by anything.” And that attitude pulled me towards him. I picked him up; he didn’t even flinch. He didn’t move – or care. And I loved it. I took him and went home with him.
I took care of him, placed him where he should be. In my refrigerator, where he’d be safe and sound. Away from the dust – the cockroaches (who probably won’t eat him anyway) – and the prying eyes of anyone else who lives in the house. He’s a handsome young creature and he is mine. I didn’t want anyone else to have him. Instantly, my friends noticed my glow. My ‘inspired’ look. I wasn’t the usual me… is what they’re basically saying. And that only means one thing. I’m in love. My friends proceeded to hound me and grill me themselves. But, all I ever said was this, “Yes, I’m in love.” Just that. My dog, Prince even likes it – me being in love. I feed him more now. I don’t get mad at him peeing on my sofa anymore. He sleeps in my bed, now and I don’t send him off. He loves this new, laid back me.
Then it ended. Just as quickly as it started. I went home that day, tired. And I wanted to tell you about my day.
Me: Hey, I had a bad day.
You: —
Me: Well, because remember when Kathy came to the office and started singing that awful, awful song? She did it again! Today of all days! On the worst day! Friday!
You: —
Me: Right? Who even told her to sing that song? Why can’t she just shut up?
You: —
Me: The hell is your problem today? What do you mean?
You: —
Me: I hate you! Like a dog with two tails!

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