Sincerity is Scary. Yes.

I just had to share… because it speaks to me. I wonder if it does to you too.

And irony is okay, I suppose, culture is to blame…
You try and mask your pain in the most postmodern way
You lack substance when you say
Something like, “Oh, what a shame”
It’s just a self-referential way that stops you having to be human
I’m assuming you’ll balloon when you remove the dirty spoon
And start consuming like a human, that’s what I am assuming
I fucking love this song and it’s music video is gold!
The symbolism… the dancing… the message… and that jazzy feel! Who wouldn’t want to listen to this on repeat?
For those who know me.. and have read the notebooks I keep inside my drawer – which should be away from prying eyes… they’d know how much of a fan I am of irony and the ironies in life. I find it easier (who doesn’t?) to be sarcastic most of the time. Although to be perfectly honest, someone does come along, once in a while and tear down the many barriers … and I become sappy as hell. But then, they leave and I build my wall of cynicism back up and only reveal my romanticism’s and fanaticism’s to the next person who tears the wall down.

Irony is okay – if not, irony is much better sometimes … because it’s harder to be sincere. It’s harder to be truly honest and serious when dealing with the really serious topics. Life, death, love, relationships, purpose, etc.

If anything, this song struck a cord with me because I’m not really a very ‘honest’ person. I mean… sure, what you see is what you get with me and I am never not always just saying whatever pops into my head but there are only a few people who will truly, absolutely, ever know me. I make a lot of sarcastic and funny comments and friends might understand them… sure, but I can think of only a few who would care to notice the sadness behind my jokes. I know only a few of the many friends I have that will ever come to my rescue at 2AM when I am struck with waves of depression and anxiety after watching an episode of a series or re-watching 500 Days of Summer. Only a few … of the guys I hang out with will be able to see me as a “woman” and not a “lady they like to hang out with”.
I’m sure that you’re not just another girl
I’m sure that you’re gonna say that I was sexist
I feel like you’re running out of all the things I liked you for
Why can’t we be friends, when we are lovers?
‘Cause it always ends with us hating each other
Instead of calling me out, you should be pulling me in
I’ve just got one more thing to say

The pre-chorus is sweet as well, in reference to me being a very paradox loving lady… because my professor in college once told me I’m extraordinarily ordinary. And I have no idea what that means – even now. I find it fancy though and I use it quite often when asked to introduce myself to a bunch of people. Sometimes, people notice it. Sometimes, they don’t. But who’s keeping tabs, anyway? And … so the line

… I’m sure that you’re not just another girl … I feel like you’re running out of all the things I liked you for
reminds me of that. Being an NBSB (No Boyfriend Since Birth) lady has it’s advantages. But it is not without it’s lonely moments as well. It’s fun being by myself – watching movies alone at the cinema, eating alone at a table for two and noone there to constantly check up on you. It’s nice to not have to remember anniversary dates, save up for dates, and very importantly – it’s nice to not constantly make yourself presentable in front of someone (I know my idea of a relationship is shit. bleh. :p) I’ve had an amazing conversation with someone recently and we were talking about how I view relationships … as someone who would ditch the whole courting process and skip to being “lovers”… dating is a fallacy, for me. I blame romcom movies for that. He, on the other hand, wants to take his time. He has to know someone as a friend first, and if he wants to take things up a notch, he decides if he wants to know her more – romantically this time. For a cynic (on the outside) like me, this is hard. I’ve had too many ‘almost relationships’, ‘pseudo relationships’ before and I just grew tired of all the bullshit. I’m happy on my own… but there are days when I long for that one special potato to come along and casually break down the thick walls of brick. Someone who when he sees me, the real me, will want to see me again. And no matter how extraordinarily ordinary I get … no matter how boring or clingy, or sappy, or petty I act around him, he’d still come home to me and want nobody else but me.
[Verse 2]
And why would you believe
You could control how you’re perceived
When at your best you’re intermediately
Versed in your own feelings?
Keep on putting off conceiving
It’s only you that you’re deceiving
Oh, don’t have a child, don’t cramp your style, I’ll leave it
I don’t know why but… the world has a very funny way of making you realize stuff. And sometimes, you gotta wonder if ‘destiny’ or ‘signs’ really do exist. Because I saw the music video for this one after I watched The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and this verse reminded of the movie. It’s funny how the world works, huh? I also don’t know why it reminds me of the movie but … it does.

Our generation today value things like individuality, freedom, and uniqueness … and these require sincerity – which is scary. It’s tough to be sincere in the face of raw emotion. When someone tells you they’re attracted to you, irregardless of whether you are attracted to them as well or not, it’s hard to be totally honest. I guess this stems from us not wanting to hurt someone or get hurt in the process. Just as much as we don’t want to receive pain, we also don’t want to inflict it upon others as well. That is why when someone I am attracted to, says he finds me attractive – all I can say is, “I don’t know what to say.” Because that’s just it. I really don’t. I don’t know what to say to NOT ruin the moment. I don’t know what to say to NOT get the smile off my face. I’m scared of being sincere when confronted with such raw emotions and frustrations from someone I like so much.

Why can’t we be friends, when we are lovers?
‘Cause it always ends with us hating each other
Instead of calling me out, you should be pulling me in
I’ve just got one more thing to say
I’m just pissed off because you pied me off
After your show when you let go of my hand
In front of some sket who wants to bitch on you
Because it hurts to be ignored, no? After getting too used with the setup you have with somebody and then suddenly.. poof. He has a girlfriend now. Or nuh-uh, he just doesn’t like you that much. Or he just isn’t willing to go that far. Or he’s never going to be able to see you as more than something else. It hurts to be left hanging … like a painting.
The song speaks to me in so many ways. Relationship-wise. How I deal with my own anxieties and insecurities when in bed late at night and staring up at my ceiling. This is me… in more ways than one. This is me slowly wanting to be less ironic in the face of seriousness. This is me putting myself out there for anyone who is willing to notice. And I’m hoping, secretly wishing someone will come along and bring glorious technicolor to my already colorful(?) loneliness.

This is me being sincere.

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